Learning to Swim

To dive into new and more exciting parts of the pool, step one is to get the right gear. Gliding to new depths will not happen in jeans, shoes and shirt, I need to shed layers to get to the places that I have only seen from the poolside. In this unveiling process, I realize just as I generally do around swimsuit season, that my body looks different to me when I am dressed in clothes that a choose for flattery over function. A bathing suit shows all my curves, jucy unseen places in my ribs, back, legs and chest. In this world I cannot help but know that my skin is seen. I am not hiding in this place, and damn it feels good!.  I feel as if I have gone to depths before, gasped for air and floundered around in my clothes meant for coffee dates not pool parties- someone else’s slide of a hand and over stretched compass of right and wrong plunged my unconsenting soul into parts of the pool that i was never ready for; they chose for me that deep was my only option, and I found myself suspended with water of life all around me. This is one kind of deep, I have muscles and mindsets for this space- but what if there is an entirely different way to view the pool? What if is is a choice to leave layers of old mindsets, patterns, muscle tension, careers that just barely pay the bills- the world of known, for the world of possibilities? This rumpled pile of layers of “I know this, but shit I am over this” adorns my pool deck chair. To get into the pool I need to leave them unattended- and that feels like the scariest part.  What keeps you from trying on that new “bathing suit”? What are you afraid you will see, or experience? What if it is ok to buy one that fits now, for who you are in your bravery to try a next step- and then when it stops fitting to be ready to shop again??!! We do not have to settle into one way because we bought the gear- our bodies, minds, hearts, needs and experiences continue to evolve- perhaps the last thing to get on board is our will because that is where emotion comes in. That is the terrifying reality that we want something and that it is up to us to strive to get it; a healthy dose of fear and faith, with a dash of daydreaming and wide eyed wonder about what could be just over this first hurdle of uncertainty. I feel the snap of spandex and I gaze with a new found joy into the metaphorical mirror- I was brave enough to put on the suit and stare with open eyes into the future. The first step to going deeper in the pool is to first get the right gear. Part of my ensamble will be a swimming coach, someone that knows that waters more than I do, and can help me workout the muscles of choice, decisiveness, risk taking, clarity gaining- and then best part of all is she chooses to be in the pool next to me! This is an entirely different way to interact with the water, and goggles on, new suit in hand, wobbly knees and a light in my belly that cannot help but glimmer; the reality of my new reality is beginning to sink in ( no pun intended). Sink or swim, I am ready to be an active participant in the pool of my world- I am ready to explore the deep.